I'm glad it happened...

 

Julie Rubenstein, Savannah Hauk and Myself at Keystone 2025

Have you ever heard the phrase "It will be the best thing that has ever happened to you" when something bad happens, or "Every cloud has a silver lining?" Yes, those are corny sayings we say to people when tough shit is happening, but today, I was able to admit something that I've wanted to admit for a very long time...

I'm glad some bad shit happened to me. 

Let me go back to September 2024, and something I've alluded to here and here: In September of 2024, I "signed up" for a Girl's Weekend getaway that I was really excited about, hoping to meet some amazing people and get some much needed girl time (even though I'm full time as a trans woman, I didn't really have the kind of sisterhood that many girls had, and I was hoping that this would be a starting point for me). After signing up for the weekend, I bought a plane ticket to the city it was happening in, thinking that "signing up" meant "I get to go" only to find out that not everyone who signs up actually gets selected to go... 

Long story... and I really don't want to get into it anymore. Suffice it to say, there was a misunderstanding, combined with some miscommunication between the organizer and myself. 

I took it VERY poorly when I wasn't selected to go... 

I treated the organizer like shit. 

I treated her friends like shit. I treated people I consider my friends like shit. 

I treated those who went on the weekend like shit... even though some tried to talk me off a ledge when everything went down. 

I lost two of my earliest followers because of that incident, and I genuinely believe I damaged several friendships, some irreparably, because of it. 

During the weekend itself, I watched pictures flood in from the girls having the time of their lives, wishing I could have been there, and also thinking this...

I tried to do what I can to get my mind off of the Atlanta trip that wasn't. But I spiraled. Several people, including three people attending the weekend, tried to talk me off a ledge, getting me to calm down (even though I was drunk off my ass after a night of crying... yeah, I'm being vulnerable here), and getting me through the weekend (seriously Millicent, Penny, Scarlett, Natalie, Lauren, Jenna, Bernadette, Jamie... I'll never forget you all for being there for me that weekend!). Only two days later, we all watched the National Tragedy that was Donald Trump being reelected Fuhrer of Amerika. But for that moment, I saw my tribe come in for me. 

The organizer and I had some very choice words for each other... then I blocked her... then she blocked me... then we reconciled... then she eventually unblocked me and I eventually refollowed her. That's about where that ended. I actually met her in person in June of 2025... we shared a warm hug and even took a selfie together. I won't post that here because I don't want to call her out directly, but just know that I love you "M." I actually called that weekend Second Chance Weekend, and even wrote a blog about it here. 

I've apologized to everyone for my horrible behavior during that season... all but one have forgiven me. That one was one of my earliest followers, and she went on to restrict me, and eventually unfollowed me. The deterioration of our relationship, combined with falling out with the organizer and how I treated others involved like shit are the only residual regrets I have about what happened. Otherwise, I'm finally ready to say...

I'm fucking glad it happened! 

I'm glad I was rejected from that Girl's Weekend.

I'm glad I took it so poorly.

I'm glad that less than a month after it happened, I ended up on a 72-hour hold.

I'm glad that I spent about a month almost crying nonstop over the whole incident and the damage my behavior caused... 

Because it forced me to think about WHY I took it so poorly. At the end of the day, the reason why was that I didn't have sisterhood, and it desperately needed it. To see these girls, many of whom I know, having such close sisterhood and friendship, and feeling left out of it because I made a mistake (though that's speculation... in hindsight, I wasn't going to get picked no matter what) left me feeling so desolate... so lonely... so... unwanted. 

I tried to consulate my loss with a trip to Minneapolis I affectionately called "My Girls Weekend" where I visited my favorite blogger Hannah, met a new girl named Lexi, and while sitting at the bar at my hotel, had the back and forth with "M" that led to our reconciliation. It was an amazing weekend... but I still left wanting more. 

The photoshoot during "My Girl's Weekend" with Hannah, Shannonlee, and two other girls. 

 

I needed more... and here's what it led to...

In December of 2024, I took a fairly impromptu trip to Albany (after a conference in DC) to visit my friend Natalie... she's become one of my best friends. 

Two sisters enjoying a somewhat dazed and confused dinner, haha!

 

Later that month, while on a drive to San Diego, I decided to read an audiobook from someone I'd been meaning to engage with named Jennifer Marie... by the first rest stop, I contacted her... by the second, we were talking... by the third, I found out that she knew most of the people I know (including Natalie) and had even gone on a few of those girls weekends... by the end of the drive, we'd become friends, and I'd joined her Sisterhood (go to jennspire.com to find out more about this amazing woman and the Sisterhood!). That woman, and that Sisterhood, has changed my life.

Jennifer Marie and I in 2025. 

In January of 2025, Jamie wanted to go to Chicago for a Puppet Festival, and being the good husband (I still call myself her husband), I tagged along. But since I knew some people in Chicago, I went out and met some girls I knew through social media while Jamie was enjoying Puppet Theater (a hobby of hers)...

Myka and I

Julie S and I

Then there was Paint the Town 2025

I got my Girl's Weekend after all! 

 

Then Keystone, where something incredible happened (more on that in a moment)...

Me, Jamie, and two of my Jennspire Sisters, Jenn and Kip! 

Then everything came full circle and, thanks to Natalie and Ana, I got an opportunity to meet many of the girls involved in that girl's weekend... had some amazing memories, and got some much needed healing. I call that "Second Chance Weekend"

A photo I thought would never happen... a dream came true!

Seriously, I have nothing but adoration for EVERYONE involved. That was a turning point for me. 

Since then, I've also seen Natalie and Ana, two of my best friends in person

Natalie and I debriefing after Second Chance Weekend... there was Cider!!!

Ana and I in Vegas... there was Steak!!! 

And then this happened...

At Keystone last year, there was a scary moment where someone literally died for a moment (they were revived! Thank God!), but during the panic and heaviness of that moment, many of the attendees were out in the lobby, obviously shaken and spooked, but also knowing that everything was being handled. During that time, people were talking with one another, praying for the attendee who had the emergency, and just respectfully lifting one another up. Once we got the word that the attendee had been revived, the mood lightened up a bit, and we all began to mingle and chat and just socialize... and it was during that moment that I was introduced to someone who changed my life... and whose life I changed too... my friend Julie Rubenstein, co-host of The Fox and The Phoenix Podcast, owner of Fox and Hanger, and someone who has gone on to become an amazing friend, ally, and sister to me. 

Julie!!! Julie Julie Julie!!!

 

This past week... late February of 2026... she recounted our meeting each other on the podcast and said words about me that I'm still digesting and blubbering over! You can listen to the episode here.

For those of you unwilling to listen to an amazing 45 minute podcast episode, I'll summarize that Julie talked about how much wealth meeting me has brought to her life, and how warm, lovely, and sunny a person I am to her. Savannah, her co-host also lifted up how eager I was to meet new people and put myself out there. The whole thing felt like a wrapping of affirmation that was so special to me.

Ho-ly shit! So let me blitz through this...

Because of the Girl's Weekend Incident, I have: 

Gone on several meaningful trips

Met MANY amazing people in person, including most of the girls I wanted to meet on that weekend

Made incredible memories, built amazing friendships

Resumed coaching, therapy, learned a ton about myself and honestly learned and grown a lot

AND, as was said in that podcast episode, I've also touched the lives of others, providing wealth, love, and brightness to other people. 

So, at the end of the day, the Incident led to so much beauty. 

So let me say this... I'll never be sorry enough for how I treated others during that season. I'm so ashamed of how childish I was during their girl's weekend and how I harassed several people about it. I regret that two of my earliest followers in my journey into becoming Alicia are no longer followers of mine because of what happened. 

But I'm glad it happened, because if it hadn't, I wouldn't have put myself out there like I have. I likely wouldn't have gone to Paint the Town or Keystone. I likely would have used that weekend in Chicago to just go to breweries (I still did that!). I wouldn't have met the amazing people I've met. I wouldn't have changed Julie's life like I have... and my life wouldn't have changed the way it has! 

So "M," I'll always be sorry about how I behaved, and I'll always be a little hurt about how things went down between you and I. But I'm glad it happened, because so much beauty came from it. I'm a better person because of it. 

Hugs!

-Alicia