Finding Sisterhood

 Note: This blog post may seem a little more discombobulated... I wanted to get it out as quickly as possible while the memories are still fresh in my mind. 

The Girl's Weekend I've always wanted to have. 

I'm not going to lie here, I'm coming off of a huge high right now and I'm feeling really thankful. 

I've written, pretty ad-nauseam about my quest for sisterhood, such as in this blog. I've also written about the incident that triggered the search for sisterhood... a girl's weekend trip that I felt pretty rejected from (I think the coordinator and I will always disagree about how that whole thing went down, but regardless, the incident left me feeling very left out and unwanted), but as I mentioned in a prior blog, I'm glad the incident happened, because it led to some incredible things, and sent me on a journey that, honestly, has made me a much better person. You can consider this to be a sequel to those blogs, because of two really cool things...

First, I've found sisterhood. I've written about both of these wonderful people here before, but I genuinely consider them amongst my best friends, and have told them, pretty ad-nauseam (probably too much, to be honest) how thankful I am for them and their friendship. They are my friends Natalie and Ana

(Left) Natalie, (Right) Ana, and myself at Karaoke Night!

 

Natalie and I go somewhat way back... we started following each other sometime in 2022, which was the year my transition truly kicked into gear. She is a fellow plus sized trans woman (though she identifies as Non-binary) who is gorgeous, but even more so, a kindhearted soul. One of my first impressions of her was that she was always very stylish and well put-together, and so anytime she'd post, I'd always "like" react her content... and she'd always respond with a kind thank you or a hello. Something I loved about watching her was seeing her ask many of the same questions I asked early in my journey into becoming Alicia, and coming up with her own answers. Little by little, we began talking to one another through Instagram's private messenger, and shortly after that incident I mentioned above happened, we decided to plan a meet-up while I was on the east coast. We hit it off very well during that first get-together, and have seen each other a handful of times sense. Nowadays, we regularly chat with one another about our day, what's going on, what goals we have, and just about whatever. I've drawn close to her, and she's truly become one of my best friends. 

Ana came into my picture a bit later than Natalie... we didn't start interacting with one another until early 2025. I actually met her through Natalie, who met her while serving as a bridesmaid at our friend Olive's wedding back in 2023. She's also a fellow plus-sized (though she's on the smaller side of plus-sized IMO) transgender woman who began her transition just a couple of years ago. What's amazing is that she quickly grew on me. She's a more free-spirited goofy kind of person who I can flip the bird to, and she'd laugh and flip it right back to me... I had a few friends like that as Terrence, and while a few of them would come at me with "I'm better than you" kind of energy, I also had a few (like my old roommate Colin) who would treat me as an equal, and I always felt the safest around those kind of people (the ones who would you insult and would insult you, but it always came from a lighthearted, and equal-among-each-other place)... I've quickly felt that way around Ana. My first big impression of her came in mid-2025, when Natalie presented me with an opportunity that I really needed given that incident, but was feeling too scared to pull the trigger on. Ana spent HOURS on the phone with me encouraging me to take Natalie up on the opportunity, imploring me that it would be a great opportunity to finally meet many of the people I'd hoped to meet at that girl's weekend, give those I wronged a big hug, and get healing and closure from the whole thing. To add to that, Ana even came with Natalie and I. That event became what I affectionately call Second Chance Weekend. Had it not been for Ana's encouragement, I probably wouldn't have gone on that trip. 

I was working on another, unfinished blog a few weeks ago, and started taking inventory of the people in my life I consider close friends, and in practically every metric, these two bubbled up to the top of the list. I genuinely consider them my best friends, and I'm so thankful for their sisterhood. Literally the only caveat I can think of to having either of them as besties is that we are separated by an entire continent... they live on the East Coast, while I live on the West. But that takes me to the second "really cool thing..." 

I got my girl's weekend... and then some!!!

One of the reasons why I signed up for that ill-fated girl's weekend back in 2024 in the first place was a desire for not just sisterhood, but to experience the vulnerability that comes when a group of crossdressers and transgender women live under the same roof. I still follow most of the girls who went on that weekend, and if you look at their profiles, you'll see glam, high-femme, well put together looks out in the clubs, out to dinner, being silly, and making memories... but what you don't see is at the end of the night, they go back to the house they are renting, the wigs and makeup come off, and they look, well, drab. We all do. It's still a huge source of dysphoria for me... while almost four years of HRT has helped, I could still pull off a guy look pretty easily if I wanted to. Part of what I was hoping for during that weekend was to see these bombshells on social media looking, well, more human. That vulnerability with one another makes space to not just go easier on one another, but also on yourself. And not everyone is comfortable enough with doing it... I can remember going to visit my blogger friend Hannah the weekend after that girl's weekend happened, and we just so happened to book a makeover at the same studio in the morning (totally by coincidence), and what I thought would be a surprise opportunity for girl talk while getting our makeup done instead turned into a valuable lesson for me... Hannah turned her back to me and confessed that she was uncomfortable with anyone she knew seeing her without her makeup on... I almost wanted to respond with "oh, you don't have to worry about me, I'm safe" but quickly realized that wasn't the point... if she wasn't comfortable with me seeing her without her makeup, that's totally valid and something I have no right to take personally or make about me. Still, I yearned for the kind of vulnerability that those girls on that girl's weekend enjoyed just the previous weekend, and while I wasn't going to get it with Hannah, I needed to find sisterhood that would make space for that. Why is that so important to me? Well, as I wrote above, I think there's something humbling and also affirming to see other well-put together girls not looking the most well-put together. But it really takes close friendship, and as I say, sisterhood to find that. In hindsight, while it would have been nice to see someone like Olive or Millicent, or even Meghan let their guard down a little bit (though I did get that chance during Second Chance Weekend), the truth is that while they are my friends, they aren't close friends like Natalie or Ana are... it makes sense that I wouldn't see them at their most vulnerable, nor does it make sense to be my most vulnerable around them. 

To keep this from going into a tangent, let me just say that I finally got that opportunity for vulnerability with the two best people I could have asked for it with... Natalie and Ana (along with my wife Jamie, and Ana's wife and partner Liz and Mel). You see, I just got back from a nine-day vacation that originally was supposed to be just a long weekend with them all, but we were all having so much fun that we extended the trip an extra three days. We rented an Air-BnB in Provincetown, Massachusetts (a VERY LGBTQ+ town on the edge of Cape Cod), and planned our own girl's weekend. Jamie and I red-eyed it to Albany to meet up with Natalie, where we picked up a rental car (I paid for the car, Natalie did all of the driving... fair trade if you ask me), and made the 5-hour drive to Provincetown. 

Road Trip! And I'm wearing the same clothes and same makeup I was working in the day before!

We pulled up to our Air-BnB, which turned out to be a fucking mansion! Three-stories, three-bedrooms, three bathrooms, two balconies and a hot tub with a giant kitchen and dining room, huge living room, and tons of space for the six of us to spread out when we got sick of each other... which we really didn't. Upon arrival, Ana's wife Liz and her partner Mel prepped this incredible dinner of steak, chicken, vegetables and sides, and we all settled in with a few glasses of wine and a little THC (hey, it's legal!). After dinner, the wives settled in for a good night's sleep, but us four trans women were too amped up, so we went to a dance party in PTown. I didn't know what to expect, and honestly feared that it would be a little too spicy for me... but it turned out to just be a fun party where everyone was wearing their lingerie. What happened behind closed doors, I don't know (and honestly don't want to know... I've heard stories), but what happened out on the dance floor was just good old fashioned fun. I wore a top that was not something I'd be caught dead in anywhere else... but what the hell, I'll share a picture here...

Natalie's looking hot... I'm looking... not! 

What a great first night! The next morning, I got all dressed up, and walked into town with Natalie... it was about a mile and change each way, and we got caught in the rain doing it, but it was great. The entire group then partook in a LGBTQ+ tradition... brunch! 

The top item on the Gay Agenda... Brunch!

 

Cafe Heaven was yummy! I was still in weight loss mode (hadn't quite let myself get into vacay mode yet) so I had an egg white something, but it was still delicious. We then explored the town a bit before walking back home to order pizza for dinner. 

That night, I got a real taste of the vulnerability I was looking for. Natalie took her wig off, we all took our makeup off, we all slipped into bathing suits (um, yeah, let's say that...), and jumped into the hot tub. For the next two hours, it was just girl talk, despite being half naked and with none of our image-enhancing products on our bodies, it felt like three girls bonding. 

I got an even sharper taste of vulnerability the next day. Overnight, I'd had a bad dream (I've since shared it with both Ana and Natalie, but I won't share it here because it would take too long to explain), and woke up the next morning in a melancholic mood. I put on my happy face and tried to go on with the day, but it was clear that something was up. Jamie and I had set aside a few hours to just be by ourselves where we went to see Nina West perform, and while I loved her performance, my mind was just on that bad dream and the feeling that I didn't quite fit in with the group... or thought I didn't. 

Nina West!!! I've wanted to meet her ever since she was the Pride spokesperson for Lane Bryant!

We all met back up and had a TERRIBLE Italian dinner. Don't worry, I'm not hurting anyone's feelings here... all six of us thought it sucked. Poor Natalie fell out of her chair, Ana forgot her cheese pills, and the food was just awful. None of us were in a good mood that night. We went back home and didn't really say much. Natalie ended up just going to bed without saying anything, and a few minutes later, I did the same thing. It wasn't even five minutes later that I got a text from a concerned Ana:

"You Okay, Love?"

I responded, and we talked for a few minutes about things, but I didn't go too into detail. I wish I had... but something that really stood out was how much she cared about me. 

The next day, we had a 90 minute drive down the cape to go thrifting. Ana, Liz, and Mel went in Ana's truck while Natalie, Jamie, and I went in our car. Almost as soon as we pulled out of the driveway, Natalie wanted to talk to be about how I was doing. We ended up having an hour long heart-to-heart about why I was feeling down, and I felt the same theme of care and concern that I'd felt from Ana. Truly, these were my sisters. She reassured me in some ways, challenged me in others, and just loved on me the whole time. It meant more than I could ever write about here. 

Thrifting was fun, but being a fairly large girl, I have bad luck finding stuff. We then went for a better (than what we had the night before) lunch, and some mini-golfing before we went home, and got ready for Karaoke night. I made the foolish decision to wear high heeled boots that night, but fuck it, I don't regret it one bit. We all drank, each of us got at least one song in, and had a blast! 
 

I attempted to sing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." I was TERRIBLE

Natalie sang "Doctor Worm" by "They Might be Giants." She did much better than me.

 

Afterwards, we walked (yes! In heels!) to a pizza place that was open until 2am, and I ended up eating FOUR slices of amazing (at least when you're drunk) pizza! By this point, I was in Vacay mode. 

By Monday, I was exhausted, and so I stayed home for a few hours while everyone else went out into town... Guess I can't hang like I used to, haha! But I was all made up and ready to go for that night's fancy dinner, where we had probably the best meals of the entire trip. 

I'd say I clean up pretty well!

We did a little more shopping afterwards, where I got two new t-shirts and some souvenirs. But then it was back to the mansion to pack up for what was supposed to be the end of our trip...

But none of us wanted to separate yet... and none of us needed to either. Jamie and I didn't have flights home until Saturday, Natalie took the entire week off, and Ana, Liz, and Mel were free to do what they wanted... so we decided to book another (albeit less fancy) AirBnB in Rhode Island for another three nights. So we got more hot tub time, more window shopping, a car museum, and just more sisterhood time. By Friday, it was finally time to say goodbye, and while I gave everyone a warm hug, the hugs with Natalie and Ana were extra warm (and that's saying something because the East Coast was in the midst of a record heat wave). We all departed each other, thankful for the full week of sisterhood. 

Last year, I'd gotten a taste of what community with these girls was like during Second Chance Weekend, but after nine full days with them, I can say for certain that they are sisters to me... the exact kind of sisters I have been yearning for. And this girl's trip was exactly what I was hoping for when I first expressed interest in going on a girl's weekend a few years ago. There's a lot that I'm leaving out because I'd rather Ana or Natalie share their stories rather than I share them, but all I know is that I hope we can do this again. Since we all saw each other last June, and again this June, I'm thinking we might make this a June tradition where we do a girl's trip. Though next year, I'm going to really try to get them to come out to California so I can show them my side of things. I think they'd love it here. 

But as the title of this blog says... I've found Sisterhood. And I'm so, so, so thankful for it! Natalie and Ana... you two are real ones, and I'm blessed to call you my friends! 

Hugs!

-Alicia  

Cha-cha-cha-changes!

 

Like a caterpillar goes through major changes in its life, so do we. And the results of those changes are equally beautiful.

 

Maybe it's the headache or dizziness I'm feeling right now, or the fact that a lot of people are on my heart right this moment, but I can't seem to get any work done... so I'm going to take a break and write this blog instead to get my thoughts out, and hope that any of you reading it will benefit from it. 

A lot of people in my life right now are going through changes, and it's become dizzying. I don't want to name names, but I'll just give a few examples of the changes I'm seeing:

• In the last month, two of my crossdressing friends have publicly come out as gay. 
• Another shared that she's started HRT.
• A podcasting friend of mine shared that her decade-plus long relationship with her partner is ending.
• And I, myself, just joined a Gym... that may seem insignificant compared to what my friends are going through, but it's still a change that I'm surprised by... I wrote all about my weight loss journey in my previous blog. 

These are just a few examples that are standing out with those who are in my life right now, but they aren't the only ones. 

It's making me reflect on one of the most beautiful elements of humanity and that’s our ability to evolve. As we grow and learn more about the world around us, we ultimately learn more about ourselves. What we learn about ourselves ultimately leads us to make changes accordingly to fit our new worldview.

As I mentioned above, I’ve seen this theme of change and evolution a lot in my community of friends, family, and acquaintances, and I just want to say that it’s such a beautiful thing. I’m seeing people learn more about the world around them, learn more about themselves, and make changes accordingly. I’m going through my own changes as I start to prioritize my health, so I too am evolving. 

But it's hard... and it's dizzying. We are raised to believe that things stay static... marriages last forever, people have the same job for 30+ years, a person's identity never changes. And so change is met with a lot of apprehension and even hostility. I'll use Savannah, my podcasting friend as an example of this... she devoted a couple of episodes of her (and her co-host Julie's) podcast "The Fox and The Phoenix Podcast" to reflecting on the end of her relationship, and the fear that she has lost credibility because of the end of her relationship... I really don't want to put words in her mouth, so go check out the podcast for yourself to hear her story. It's really good though. 

But what I will say is that there's nothing unnatural or invalid about what Savannah is experiencing. The same is true for my newly out gay friends or my friend who just started HRT.  What I want to say to all of them is that the “new you” doesn’t invalidate your past experiences or identities, nor does it make you a liar or a cheat for changing. I can remember back when I thought I was "just" (I'm cringing as I say that... crossdressers are not "just" crossdressers) a crossdresser, and never wanted to transition. I believed that wholeheartedly... I wasn't lying to Jamie, my family, or anyone else... it was my truth at the time. I believed it with my whole heart because, for me, it was the truth! But as I learned more about myself, learned more about this side of myself, and watched as excuse after excuse went down, I eventually came to the conclusion that I needed to transition... that Alicia was the next step in my evolution. What's funny is that I have a very different view about this from many of my transgender friends... my new identity as Alicia doesn't invalidate or erase my time and past as Terrence... a man... I don't consider Terrence my "dead name" and I certainly don't consider Terrence to be "dead." I instead view him as "retired..." committed to the archives of my life as a whole. Without Terrence, I wouldn't have the job I have, the wife I have, or the life I have... I can't look back on my past as Terrence and say "yeah... that was all a lie." No, at the time, it was very much my truth. Two things can be true at the same time... I lived 36 years of my life as man, started a career, found an amazing wife, made great friends, and so on... but I also felt like there was more to me than who I was at the time... I felt feminine, and wanted to express that femininity. Once I had the opportunity to do so, I learned new things about myself, and it changed who I am. I am a more complete, mature, and beautiful person now... just like a caterpillar, I've transformed into a butterfly. I see that in so many of the stories in my friends and acquaintances lives too. Just because you're now realizing you're gay doesn't mean that the relationship you had with a woman was a lie... it was your truth for so many years. Just because you're transitioning now doesn't mean that your past was a lie... it may have been your truth for so many years (but let me be careful too... I know so many trans people who do feel like their past was a lie... and that's valid too!). You're just working with new information. I know trans people who seriously never questioned their gender identity for many years only to have had an experience bring up a bunch of stuff that changed their perspective. 

That doesn’t mean it isn’t painful or costly. Evolution is painful and costly, but what comes out the other end is so beautiful, and so much better for having gone through the transformation. I've always wondered if caterpillars feel pain as they transform into butterflies... I wouldn't be surprised if they did... I mean, doesn't their entire body liquefy or something in the cocoon? That's gotta be painful. But I sure know we deal with pain as we change... My oldest brother, who I damn near worshiped growing up, no longer speaks to me because I transitioned. Marriages end when people come out. Jobs are lost, relationships are broken, and pain and loneliness oftentimes set in. I wish I had a cure for that, or a way to make it less painful... I unfortunately don't, but I will say that it's worth it in the end. 

So where am I going with all of this??? Honestly, I have no idea... it's more of a brain dump than anything. I just want to say that if you're experiencing major life changes right now that you aren't alone... I hope you have a community of loving people surrounding you, and that they can help shepherd you through the minefield that comes with change. I'm also here, so don't hesitate to reach out (I'm on FB and Instagram... don't hesitate to drop me a line). 

Love you all! 

Hugs!

Alicia  

Still Trans, Still Fabulous, but...

 

I can see this for myself in the future! She's beautiful, she's happy, she's realistic! 

...but MAYBE a little less Fat???  

So I started age 41 somewhat at a crossroads... I finally feel like the drama and fallout from the drama I wrote about here, and the phase of my transition that was so focused on finding sisterhood that I wrote about here, and here has passed. The very last piece fell into place during Keystone this year when my friend Olive, who one of the ladies I'd treated so poorly a couple of years ago, said to me, very explicitly, "you've never hurt me before," and for whatever reason, that gave me the last piece of closure on a chapter full of drama, depth, fallout, but also tremendous growth, amazing memories, and dare I'd say self improvement. I have my sisterhood now! I've either reconciled with those I wronged, or have at least had the chance to apologize and move on (unfortunately not everyone chose to forgive me, and I've made peace with that). I've made amazing memories, and simply feel more full of life. 

So what next? 

Welp, on Saturday, April 25th, 2026, I sat down with my Gender Identity Coach Jenn (https://www.jennspire.com) somewhat with the hopes of talking about what comes next. She saw me through so much of this last phase of my journey, has lauded my growth, challenged me in ways I could ever imagine, and helped me find balance with my gender identity and social presence (she's even trademarked a term "Nova Gender Equilibrium"). It was incredible to, while sitting there with her, reflect on how far I've come, and how much I've grown. After that, she asked me if I was ready to find out what comes next in my journey, and honestly, while I was open to whatever she had to say, there was one thing I was telling myself... 

"Alicia... you need to lose weight!"

I'm so thankful that's not how Jenn told me... that would have been depressing. But she did preface what she wanted to share as her vision for my next step with celebrating and reflecting on how much I've grown. Then she said that she'd been playing with AI (which I know people have their opinions on) to put something together with me, and then she showed me the image above... 

Talk about great minds thinking alike! So here's a little bit about me: I'm fat... I've always been fat... I'll probably always be fat... it's in the name of this blog. But I think there's a difference between being fat, and being morbidly obese, unhealthy, and just plan ridiculously large... and somewhere along my life, I crossed over that line. At my peak, I weighed 379 pounds, and was making a Naruto run towards 400! I needed to buy a second seat just to fly! Torrid, a plus sized store well known for supporting both large and LGBTQ+ bodies, barely carries any of my sizes in their brick-and-mortar stores. Walking from my car to my office (just a few feet) would wind me. I'd run out of breath just trying to teach my classes. 

It was bad... real bad. And it needed to change. 

But nothing motivated me to change. I tried Ozempic, compounded Semaglutide, counting calories, everything but actually eating better and exercising. I felt like that Ned Flanders meme...

I'll admit that I'm on a GLP1 + GIP medication now that is moderately helping me, but I can't say that it's the big difference maker here... 

But that image at the top of this blog was, for some reason, what finally woke me up. Jenn didn't say anything stern to me... she didn't say anything at all in fact. She just shared her screen and gave me a moment to take in what she was showing me. 

And it clicked...

This isn't about "you need to lose weight..." it's about finally giving myself access to a life that is so much better than the already amazing one I have. It's about unlocking my true feminine potential. It's about being happier and healthier. And it's about enjoying a long life that I've been depriving myself of by overeating, poorly eating, and doing absolutely nothing. 

And even though it's an just AI-generated image, the woman in that image at the top of this blog seems so real... so joyful... so feminine... so beautiful... and so ME!!! But what I love best about her, is that she is REALISTIC for me!!! She's me minus 100 pounds... hell, my best friend Natalie just went on a beautiful weight loss journey where she lost about that much (that's her story to tell, not mine). I've seen motivational weight loss videos that show people achieving such a weight loss (and even more). And for the first time... ever... I can see it for myself. The woman in that image shows me how I could look if I prioritize my health. She doesn't need an extra seat on a plane... she can walk and hold a conversation without losing her breath... she can go to any plus sized (and even some straight sized) clothing stories and find a wealth of beautiful clothes to try on... she doesn't look like a college professor, but instead looks like a fucking DEAN or College Vice President... she looks like someone that people can turn to for support and guidance... she looks like a leader... she looks like she has a fulfilled life... she looks like she's owning the world. I see so much of myself in her... and so much potential in myself when I see her. 

Jenn and I spent the rest of our session talking about what it would look like to work towards becoming her. What I would need to do, and how I could do it. It wasn't simply a conversation about dieting and exercising, but instead about finding what truly works for me. We looked at the tools I already had available to me (like my compounded tirzepatide medication, Apple Fitness, Noom, etc... some of these, I was already paying for), and came up with a plan. 

I left the session so excited that I went out for a walk... I was winded the entire time, and it took so much out of me just to get through that walk. I even needed to take a break halfway through the walk. But I was proud of myself for doing it. I shared about my session with people, and that I was going to start walking and watching what I was eating. I logged onto my Noom app for the first time in a long time and logged in my breakfast and lunch... and then I ate a more sensible (though still not healthy) dinner, and went to bed. 

I woke up the next morning hungry and was about to order Carl's Jr via Doordash... but then I thought "no... I can do better than that," got my sneakers on, and went for a short walk to Starbucks instead for breakfast. I ordered what I'd usually order, and felt aghast as I logged it into my Noom app at how many empty calories I'd just consumed. But I walked there... and then took a long route home. My second day of walking...

That was 44 days ago...

Today, I took a longer walk (1.4 miles to be exact) during my lunch break, after eating my meal prepped lunch. I even closed my exercise ring... for the 41st out of 45 days since that day. Yesterday, I took a 4 mile walk and it barely winded me... I was even able to do a live stream during it and carry on a conversation. I'm walking and talking again! It took a while, but one mile turned to two miles, turned to three miles, which is how much I've been walking a day for the past week. I'm closing my move and exercise rings on Apple Fitness practically everyday now, and closing my stand ring when I can remember to stand up enough. I've mostly given up diet soda, switching it out for iced tea, and... gasp... WATER. I've found several healthy meal alternatives when I eat out (hello grilled teriyaki chicken at Panda Express!), and I'm cooking at home more. I've even taken a liking to chia seed pudding... yummy! Especially with vanilla yogurt and mixed berries. I haven't fully turned away from Philly Cheesesteaks... I just don't eat them on the weekly anymore. I only drink alcohol on the weekends, and when I do, it's a beer or two, not a four pack like I used to dome regularly. I've been swapping out higher calorie foods for leaner proteins and healthier alternatives. I have an appointment to look into a gym membership...

And it's paying off! I'm currently at 349 pounds (down THIRTY POUNDS from a month and a half ago!)... my goal was to reach 350 by the end of June... I did it three weeks early! And it's steadily declining. You know what else has declined? My resting heart rate has plummeted since I started walking... that's a very good sign! Like I said, I can walk and talk again. My clothes are starting to fit differently. It's incredible! 

...and it's just the beginning. 

Listen, I'll always be plus sized. I'm never going to have a 28" waist... I don't even want one. But I can get a lot healthier, get my weight down to a more reasonable level (my ultimate goal weight is 250 pounds, and I know I can do it!), and get more confidence. I know I can do this, and I know I need to do this. I deserve to be healthier and happier. My friends and family deserve to have me healthier and happier. Transitioning has very much felt like getting a new lease on life, and I believe that I'll be a better steward of that life if I lose this weight and get healthier. I feel like the sky is the limit for me right now, and I know that the woman in that top image can be me... will be me... IS me! 

This is just the beginning of this journey. Stay tuned!

Hugs!

-Alicia  

Girls, Gowns, and Growth: The 2026 Keystone Conference

 

What do you call an Alicia, a Kara, and two Natalies? 

This past weekend was the 16th annual Keystone Conference in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. While it has a conference-y feel to it (badges with ribbons, workshops, coffee breaks, etc), it's honestly more of a big party for crossdressers and transgender folx than anything else. This is my second year going, and I think it's going to be a MUST from now on. This year was a bit different for me, however, because while I went with a completely blank slate last year, this year, several of my friends were going on top of the people who I met at last year's conference. So I wanted and needed to manage both being outgoing and meeting new people with making space to enjoy friendships with girls that I may only see once or twice a year. On top of that, I was also leading a workshop on coming out, and wanted to make sure that I did a good job at that too. 

With all of that being said, this year was honestly heavier than last year. There were tears flowing, deep conversations happening, and lots and lots of emotions on display, and let me tell you this...

...It Was Awesome! 

I don't feel like this is the place to share much about the conversations that happened because so many of them were so personal, but I will say that several people I know of walked away with some serious food for thought and encouragement to live their best lives, including me. It was incredibly deep and powerful, and I'm thankful for every second of it. 

But don't get me wrong... there was lots of fun stuff too! 

On Thursday, my gal pal and sister Natalie arrived, and we instantly started tearing it up. The conference was hosting a dance party that we went to, and I tore it up on the runway.

 

I'm too sexy for the runway!

 

I also have video of us singing "In The Navy" together, which was so funny! 

 

On Friday, my lifestyle coach Julie arrived, and all three of us started making trouble. 

 

We called ourselves the "Key-Stoners." I'll let you interpret that yourself.

 

Making trouble! 

But before we could make too much trouble, I had a workshop to lead. I was honestly nervous because I didn't know what to expect in terms of turnout and crowd involvement... then Crystal shows up... then Natalie... then Julie and Savannah... then Kara... then Olive... and the room completely filled up! Still, now that I had this many captivated people in the room, I was nervous for another reason... I hoped I had prepped well enough and was ready to lead the workshop... and it showed. The first few minutes, I was nervous, timid, and almost apologetic. But once I got that plane off the ground, it flew beautifully, and the workshop went without a hitch! 

 

I look like I do this for a living... oh wait, I do!

By the time the workshop was over, I was ready to party! Which I did. I threw on my favorite little red dress, grabbed a long island iced tea, and tore it up on the Karaoke stage. 

Julie and I... No, not that Julie, this Julie! She's the awesome lady that coordinates Paint the Town every year. I'm so glad I got to see her at Keystone! 

This year, I promised not to scream on the Karaoke stage (long story...), and I didn't. What I did do was sing "Backstreet's Back, Alright!" to a very captive crowd. And Julie (not the Paint the Town Julie, the Key-Stoner Julie!) got up and started dancing with me. Natalie took a good video of it, which I'll share here: 

 

Everybody!!! Alicia's Back Alright!!! 

 

Natalie went up next and closed the night off by singing "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit, and that was all she wrote for the night... well, okay, we all stayed up and kept drinking and partying. Then, at about 1am, a bunch of people who went to a nearby gay bar came back and we all hung out in front of the hotel for a while. More hugs, laughter, smiles, and memories were had. I honestly didn't want the night to end, but we were all so tired...

 

Then came Day 4... the heaviest day of the conference. But still awesome! 

 

Waking up on Saturday, I was still charged with energy from the night before and ready for more. But the heaviness of it being the last day started to sink in... after this day, it'd be time to pack up and go home and back to reality. But I still had fun planned for the day. I got up at about 10am, didn't bother doing my makeup or hair because it was going to be done by an expert, threw on my dress and headed down to the last couples session of the conference. I had to sneak out a few minutes early to make it to my makeup appointment, but made it in time. Casey, my makeup artist, was a former meteorologist, so we had lots to talk about (woot-woot!). Afterwards, I was able to slip into the dining hall for lunch, and Natalie had saved me a seat. We then went to the vendor area, ran into my wife Jamie, and then headed off to a session on gender affirming surgeries, since that's something we are both looking into. The session informative. 

 

Then, it was time for the last session of the conference... our friend Savannah's! Her and Julie (Key-Stoner Julie, not Paint The Town Julie!) co-host The Fox and the Phoenix podcast, a wonderful weekly podcast geared mostly towards the MTF crossdresser community, but also does a lot to lift up the transgender and gender-expansive communities as well. The room they put Savannah in was WAY TOO SMALL, and by the time she started, it was standing room only. One thing I loved about how Savannah carried herself was how lighthearted she was anytime someone came in late... she didn't let it affect her, and had so much fun with the crowd. She's an excellent communicator and teacher, and beautiful to boot! 

 

Quiet everyone! Professor Savannah is talking!

 

Afterwards, us Key-Stoners took a fun selfie together, hung out with others who attended the workshop, and then went outside for some fresh air and a heart-to-heart (told you this day was pretty heavy). 

 

Key-Stoners do it again! This time with Kim and Kara! 

Then for the grand finale... the Gala! My friend Natalie told me that she picked out a dress that was very out of character for her, but beautiful, I was going to wear an outfit that Julie helped put together for me, and Jamie was going to break in a new dress herself. We all looked fabulous! As did everyone else in the gala. 

Isn't Jamie Lovely... Oh, and I kinda look nice too!

My Gender Identity Coach Jenn, her partner Karla, and me!

Kim (who goes by Kimchi) and me. 

Natalie's rocking that blue!

Olive and I. Love this girl! 

The Fox, The Phoenix, and The Alicia, Version 2.0. 

After the gala, there was drinking and dancing for several hours... and after that, with the exception of my tuckered out wife Jamie, all of us went downstairs to the hotel lobby/bar for what I'd consider to be the most special moment of the entire conference. While there were a ton of people I was looking forward to being in community with during this conference, there was a shorter list of people whom I was super eager to sit down with, break bread with, and converse with in depth... Natalie, Julie, Kim, Olive, Jenn, Karla, and a few others, and without exception, all of us were down in that lobby hanging out and fellowshipping. It felt like a dream come true. 

Oh, and one of those happened too (a dream coming true)... you see, in the weeks leading up to Keystone, I started having different, weird dreams about stuff (like being drafted into the Navy, haha), but I also had a few pretty powerful dreams. In one of those dreams, one of the girls I listed above wanted to have a heart-to-heart conversation with me about my confidence, my tendency to over-apologize, and the sometimes low view of myself that I have. Well, on Saturday night, that happened... I was thanking a friend for coming to my workshop, and she told me that the first five'ish minutes of my talk were honestly "meh" because I seemed very timid and almost apologetic while still getting a feel for the crowd... but once I got going, it was an awesome workshop. She encouraged me to be confident from the very first second, regardless of crowd. This led to a conversation that I honestly needed, and even a few tears from me. The person who talked to me is someone I think really highly of, and also someone whom I haven't always been the best towards in the past, so to hear her say what she said to me meant more than I can describe. I feel really thankful for that conversation, and that moment, and I also feel that it's pretty cool that something I'd literally dreamt about (same person, same topic, etc) actually came true. 

After that, all of us hung out in the lobby until everything started shutting down... once the lights were turned off, it was clear they wanted us to go to bed, and thus Keystone was over. 

The next morning, Natalie stopped by my room for a goodbye hug, I bumped into Julie down in the hotel lobby, gave Mother Grace (this amazing transgender priest) a big hug, and checked out, ready to fly home with a full heart and lots of memories. 

This was the second year I've done Keystone, and hopefully there will be many more years to come! I think it will be an excellent networking, professional development, and fun party experience for many years in the future, and I hope to continue participating in it. I mentioned in my previous blog that the idea of going to Keystone in the first place was something that was birthed out of an incident that, while unfortunate, I'm really glad happened. I think about all of the amazing people I've met, and friendships I've forged and strengthened because of that incident. I'm thankful that I'm continuing to build on that momentum and making space for more friends and relationships. I see Keystone being a continuous source for that growth in the future. I've gone to another conference before in Atlanta (The Atlanta Comfort Conference), and while it was lovely, I'd say Keystone is more bang for your buck, so if choosing between the two, it's Keystone all the way. 

I do have so many things to look forward to... in a few weeks, I'm taking a birthday trip to Minneapolis to see my friend/favorite blogger Hannah McKnight and then I turn 41. I'm then ending the school year with a girl's weekend trip that is quickly turning into a trip to Provincetown, a very LGBTQ+ friendly city, and who knows what other trouble I may or may not get into, haha! 

All of that to say that I'm so thankful for my experience at Keystone this year! If you went and were a part of my weekend, thank you so much! If I missed you this year, I hope to see you next year. 

Hugs!

-Alicia 

 

I'm glad it happened...

 

Julie Rubenstein, Savannah Hauk and Myself at Keystone 2025

Have you ever heard the phrase "It will be the best thing that has ever happened to you" when something bad happens, or "Every cloud has a silver lining?" Yes, those are corny sayings we say to people when tough shit is happening, but today, I was able to admit something that I've wanted to admit for a very long time...

I'm glad some bad shit happened to me. 

Let me go back to September 2024, and something I've alluded to here and here: In September of 2024, I "signed up" for a Girl's Weekend getaway that I was really excited about, hoping to meet some amazing people and get some much needed girl time (even though I'm full time as a trans woman, I didn't really have the kind of sisterhood that many girls had, and I was hoping that this would be a starting point for me). After signing up for the weekend, I bought a plane ticket to the city it was happening in, thinking that "signing up" meant "I get to go" only to find out that not everyone who signs up actually gets selected to go... 

Long story... and I really don't want to get into it anymore. Suffice it to say, there was a misunderstanding, combined with some miscommunication between the organizer and myself. 

I took it VERY poorly when I wasn't selected to go... 

I treated the organizer like shit. 

I treated her friends like shit. I treated people I consider my friends like shit. 

I treated those who went on the weekend like shit... even though some tried to talk me off a ledge when everything went down. 

I lost two of my earliest followers because of that incident, and I genuinely believe I damaged several friendships, some irreparably, because of it. 

During the weekend itself, I watched pictures flood in from the girls having the time of their lives, wishing I could have been there, and also thinking this...

I tried to do what I can to get my mind off of the Atlanta trip that wasn't. But I spiraled. Several people, including three people attending the weekend, tried to talk me off a ledge, getting me to calm down (even though I was drunk off my ass after a night of crying... yeah, I'm being vulnerable here), and getting me through the weekend (seriously Millicent, Penny, Scarlett, Natalie, Lauren, Jenna, Bernadette, Jamie... I'll never forget you all for being there for me that weekend!). Only two days later, we all watched the National Tragedy that was Donald Trump being reelected Fuhrer of Amerika. But for that moment, I saw my tribe come in for me. 

The organizer and I had some very choice words for each other... then I blocked her... then she blocked me... then we reconciled... then she eventually unblocked me and I eventually refollowed her. That's about where that ended. I actually met her in person in June of 2025... we shared a warm hug and even took a selfie together. I won't post that here because I don't want to call her out directly, but just know that I love you "M." I actually called that weekend Second Chance Weekend, and even wrote a blog about it here. 

I've apologized to everyone for my horrible behavior during that season... all but one have forgiven me. That one was one of my earliest followers, and she went on to restrict me, and eventually unfollowed me. The deterioration of our relationship, combined with falling out with the organizer and how I treated others involved like shit are the only residual regrets I have about what happened. Otherwise, I'm finally ready to say...

I'm fucking glad it happened! 

I'm glad I was rejected from that Girl's Weekend.

I'm glad I took it so poorly.

I'm glad that less than a month after it happened, I ended up on a 72-hour hold.

I'm glad that I spent about a month almost crying nonstop over the whole incident and the damage my behavior caused... 

Because it forced me to think about WHY I took it so poorly. At the end of the day, the reason why was that I didn't have sisterhood, and it desperately needed it. To see these girls, many of whom I know, having such close sisterhood and friendship, and feeling left out of it because I made a mistake (though that's speculation... in hindsight, I wasn't going to get picked no matter what) left me feeling so desolate... so lonely... so... unwanted. 

I tried to consulate my loss with a trip to Minneapolis I affectionately called "My Girls Weekend" where I visited my favorite blogger Hannah, met a new girl named Lexi, and while sitting at the bar at my hotel, had the back and forth with "M" that led to our reconciliation. It was an amazing weekend... but I still left wanting more. 

The photoshoot during "My Girl's Weekend" with Hannah, Shannonlee, and two other girls. 

 

I needed more... and here's what it led to...

In December of 2024, I took a fairly impromptu trip to Albany (after a conference in DC) to visit my friend Natalie... she's become one of my best friends. 

Two sisters enjoying a somewhat dazed and confused dinner, haha!

 

Later that month, while on a drive to San Diego, I decided to read an audiobook from someone I'd been meaning to engage with named Jennifer Marie... by the first rest stop, I contacted her... by the second, we were talking... by the third, I found out that she knew most of the people I know (including Natalie) and had even gone on a few of those girls weekends... by the end of the drive, we'd become friends, and I'd joined her Sisterhood (go to jennspire.com to find out more about this amazing woman and the Sisterhood!). That woman, and that Sisterhood, has changed my life.

Jennifer Marie and I in 2025. 

In January of 2025, Jamie wanted to go to Chicago for a Puppet Festival, and being the good husband (I still call myself her husband), I tagged along. But since I knew some people in Chicago, I went out and met some girls I knew through social media while Jamie was enjoying Puppet Theater (a hobby of hers)...

Myka and I

Julie S and I

Then there was Paint the Town 2025

I got my Girl's Weekend after all! 

 

Then Keystone, where something incredible happened (more on that in a moment)...

Me, Jamie, and two of my Jennspire Sisters, Jenn and Kip! 

Then everything came full circle and, thanks to Natalie and Ana, I got an opportunity to meet many of the girls involved in that girl's weekend... had some amazing memories, and got some much needed healing. I call that "Second Chance Weekend"

A photo I thought would never happen... a dream came true!

Seriously, I have nothing but adoration for EVERYONE involved. That was a turning point for me. 

Since then, I've also seen Natalie and Ana, two of my best friends in person

Natalie and I debriefing after Second Chance Weekend... there was Cider!!!

Ana and I in Vegas... there was Steak!!! 

And then this happened...

At Keystone last year, there was a scary moment where someone literally died for a moment (they were revived! Thank God!), but during the panic and heaviness of that moment, many of the attendees were out in the lobby, obviously shaken and spooked, but also knowing that everything was being handled. During that time, people were talking with one another, praying for the attendee who had the emergency, and just respectfully lifting one another up. Once we got the word that the attendee had been revived, the mood lightened up a bit, and we all began to mingle and chat and just socialize... and it was during that moment that I was introduced to someone who changed my life... and whose life I changed too... my friend Julie Rubenstein, co-host of The Fox and The Phoenix Podcast, owner of Fox and Hanger, and someone who has gone on to become an amazing friend, ally, and sister to me. 

Julie!!! Julie Julie Julie!!!

 

This past week... late February of 2026... she recounted our meeting each other on the podcast and said words about me that I'm still digesting and blubbering over! You can listen to the episode here.

For those of you unwilling to listen to an amazing 45 minute podcast episode, I'll summarize that Julie talked about how much wealth meeting me has brought to her life, and how warm, lovely, and sunny a person I am to her. Savannah, her co-host also lifted up how eager I was to meet new people and put myself out there. The whole thing felt like a wrapping of affirmation that was so special to me.

Ho-ly shit! So let me blitz through this...

Because of the Girl's Weekend Incident, I have: 

Gone on several meaningful trips

Met MANY amazing people in person, including most of the girls I wanted to meet on that weekend

Made incredible memories, built amazing friendships

Resumed coaching, therapy, learned a ton about myself and honestly learned and grown a lot

AND, as was said in that podcast episode, I've also touched the lives of others, providing wealth, love, and brightness to other people. 

So, at the end of the day, the Incident led to so much beauty. 

So let me say this... I'll never be sorry enough for how I treated others during that season. I'm so ashamed of how childish I was during their girl's weekend and how I harassed several people about it. I regret that two of my earliest followers in my journey into becoming Alicia are no longer followers of mine because of what happened. 

But I'm glad it happened, because if it hadn't, I wouldn't have put myself out there like I have. I likely wouldn't have gone to Paint the Town or Keystone. I likely would have used that weekend in Chicago to just go to breweries (I still did that!). I wouldn't have met the amazing people I've met. I wouldn't have changed Julie's life like I have... and my life wouldn't have changed the way it has! 

So "M," I'll always be sorry about how I behaved, and I'll always be a little hurt about how things went down between you and I. But I'm glad it happened, because so much beauty came from it. I'm a better person because of it. 

Hugs!

-Alicia  

An Update

Honestly, not a whole lot to say other than I have several blogs in draft mode that I just need to get off my lazy ass and finish. It's been a crazy past six months so I have lots to talk about, but I just need to sit down and write it all up. Maybe I'll do that over Winter Break. Maybe I won't. Either way, it's been a hell of a year. 

I'll write more later. 

P.S. Does anyone actually read these? 

Hugs!

Alicia