Disclaimers: First, everything I'm about to say are my thoughts, and mine alone... these do not reflect the views of the transgender community as a whole, or any mainstream views on drag... these are just my opinions, so please don't draw conclusions from these. Second, I can't get through this without using an expletive to describe how I feel about drag, so I guess keep that in mind as you read this.
During the COVID-19 pandemic (or at least the part where we all actually cared about the virus), I can remember sitting at home, oftentimes with much more free time and much less stuff to do, and fantasizing about what I was going to do when we were all "Let out" into the world again. It didn't take long for me to conclude that I just HAD to go out as Alicia once things opened up again... and it was less than a month after reopening that the dream became a reality. But while it was still a dream, I was thinking of what spaces I'd feel safe going into en femme, and one of the first ones that came to mind was going to a Drag Show. I mean, people intentionally dressing as the opposite gender (BTW drag is MUCH MORE than that!) for a crowd of mostly LGBTQ+ people (that's not true either... drag shows have been overrun by straight people... members of the community have different views on that, so I'd rather they speak for themselves) should totally be a safe place for me to be Alicia at, right?
Well, when I ran the idea by my transition coach, she talked me out of it, saying that Drag performers can oftentimes prod and poke at those who aren't either gay men or other drag performers (I'm sure I butchered that up enormously, but it's been almost four years, so if you're reading this Aejaie, please don't be mad at me if I misquoted or took anything you said out of context). I don't think she was warning me of hostility, but more so of being in an environment where I'd need to be able to laugh at myself and I'd need to be comfortable with pointed comments from others. Welp, during that same time, my wife Jamie was really getting into drag performers herself, I think mostly as a way of adjusting to her man of 17 years (10 dating and 7 married) suddenly not being a man any longer. I think she wanted to understand me more, and getting to know drag helped her. That being said, once 2021 came around and all of the COVID restrictions went away, we started checking out the local drag scene, and it didn't take me long to develop an opinion about Drag that, unfortunately, can't be done justice without including an expletive in it, so here we go...
I FUCKING LOVE DRAG!!!!
Pure and simple! While there is a little bit of that sassyness that Aejaie warned me about, the truth is that both Jamie and I felt so deeply welcomed and loved in the drag spaces we started checking out. Whether it was a show with a bunch of RuPaul alumni, or a local drag bingo night at our local watering hole, drag quickly became a warm and welcoming place for us! I'll share a couple of quick stories and experiences below, but before I do, let me share my personal views on drag:
- I don't do drag! Alicia is not a drag queen, I don't dress in drag, and drag really isn't my thing. There is a big different between a transgender woman, a crossdresser, and a drag queen. They can intersect in different places, but I'm firmly and comfortably on the side as a transgender woman. Again, someone like Bosco or Kornbread from RuPaul's Drag Race has a different story than I do, but I don't do drag... it's awesome and I love watching it, but it's not my cup of tea.
- Drag is an art about expression: Some elements can be very sexualized while many aren't. Some elements can be way over the top, while others aren't. Some queens wear the craziest costumes while others don't (in fact, the first time I met who is now my favorite local queen, she was wearing this gorgeous LBD with some faux leather panels... it actually bordered on workplace professional, but stayed slightly to the "night out" side of that line... I'll talk more about that queen in a few moments). There is no right or wrong way to do drag, and I've been to shows that have been a little too raunchy, others that were way too dull, but most have been perfectly fine, and some were just good old fashioned fun for the whole family. In fact, there's even a drag queen who has genuinely been an inspiration in my walk with God (I'll write a blog about my testimony someday in the future, but I write about that queen below). I've truly seen something for everyone in Drag. And no, it's not all burlesque or sexually explicit... in fact, I'd say that's the minority.
- Not sure how old school drag performers are going to feel about this, but Drag is for Everyone! I think it's very important that we keep in mind that, until recently, drag was a very specialized space almost entirely populated by the LGBTQ+ community, and I'd even go more specific to say dominated primarily by gay men... I'm not a drag historian, so I don't want to speak into something I don't fully understand, but what I've come to see in the past few years is that drag has quickly opened up to a much larger group of people... I know straight people who do drag (in fact, I follow one on Instagram @dragwhilestraight), I know women who do drag (both as queens and kings), and you can't tell me that there hasn't been an appreciable number of RuPaul contestants who didn't later come out as transgender. I wouldn't be surprised, though I definitely couldn't prove this, that some trans woman may have even used drag as a means to explore their gender while figuring things out. In another dimension, I'm sure I could have easily been one of those people. But what I'm trying to say is that no single person owns drag (sorry Momma Ru!), and it's a beautiful thing.
- Drag isn't trying to "groom" your children. Okay, now I want to use more expletives, but I've already said fuck once (oh shit! Now I've said fuck twice... whoops! Thrice! And I said shit! And I just said it again! Fuck! I mean, damn!), so I'mma keep it clean(er) here and say that, from my brief albeit pretty involved time in the LGBTQ+ community, there has never been a single person whose goal was to make a cis-het kid gay or trans... or anything like that. We do want to turn gay/trans kids into adults, but that's a completely different story! Seriously! I've been to several drag queen storytimes, all of which were attended by children with their parents, any queen involved was dressed in an appropriate manner (meaning no g-strings, lots of skin showing, etc... but they still wore pretty dresses and lots of sparkles!) Seriously, the only things taught at a drag queen storytime are to love one another, accept one another, and nobody is weird for exploring who they are. Besides that, there's lots of "Head, shoulders, knees and toes!" dancing and children playing around and, well, just being kids! It's a beautiful thing, not something that we should be spending even a second protesting. I'd argue that the messages being shared at a drag queen storytime are no more controversial than the ones shared in a Sunday school class, and we don't see people protesting them (unless it's Westboro "Baptist" Church or something like that). In fact, most drag queens want nothing to do with children, and make it pretty clear. I promise you... drag queens aren't coming for your kids. They just aren't.
- Drag is about love, positivity, acceptance, and fun! I have felt loved, accepted, uplifted, and had a ton of fun at drag shows. My only advice to you is that, if you go to a drag show, bring lots of one-dollar bills. It's more of a fun tradition than anything, but these queens work hard for their money, and oftentimes only get paid in tips and a small share in what the venue brings in that night. Most queens I've interacted with have a Venmo, Cashapp, or digital ways to pay, but it's just fun to use ones to tip. And no, they won't start doing any funny business on you if you tip them. The last time I tipped a queen, she was holding mistletoe, and held it up over Jamie and I (she knows us both and knows that we are happily married, so we loved that!). The only time a drag queen made physical contact with me after I tipped them was when my favorite local queen gave me a big hug afterwards... we're both huggers and know that about each other, so that was actually a sweet moment.
Okay, now speaking of favorite drag performers, I want to give three performers a huge shout-out on here, but before I do, I also want to express insane amounts of love to all of the queens, kings, and other drag performers who have been so absolutely incredible to Jamie and I. I could probably write a novel about how much I love each of you, but I'll just mention three right now:
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| Jamie and I getting photobombed by someone who rapidly became our favorite local queen. |
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The first drag performer I'd love to send some major love to is someone who I now personally consider a friend, and in a pool of absolutely amazing drag performers locally, she's my favorite local drag queen, Tori Tia. There are a few things that Tori has done that have absolutely floored me, but I'll just mention a few things here. After my very first local drag show (it was a drag bingo), Tori came up to Jamie and I and chatted us up for a few minutes, asking us how we liked the show, how we heard about it, and made it a point to make us feel welcome. Two weeks later, at the very next show, she snuck behind us and photobombed us while we were taking a picture together. We turned around and she warmly greeted us with hugs and welcomed us back. From that moment on, everytime we'd go to a show, she would go out of her way to say hi to us. It was super easy to become a fan of her's, and she's still the queen we get most excited to see (if you're reading this Jackie, Manang, Tala, Sylvanna, and others, we still absolutely adore all of you!). But I'll go even beyond that... since breaking into the drag scene, Tori has done a ton of work advocating for the transgender community, taking part in drag panels and LGBTQ+ Q&A sessions, and leading drag queen storytime nearby (we've been to each of her storytimes, mostly to counter-protest when haters from Salinas drive 70 miles to protest). Again, it's worth noting that she's not the only local queen who does such awesome work... some of the other queens I mentioned in the parenthesis above, along with many others, have actively fought for the LGBTQ+ community in many different ways, and I personally have been blessed by them and their hard work. So it certainly doesn't end with Tori, but at least for me, she's sort of where I began.
Alright, now I want to shout out our favorite local Drag King!
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This dapper gentleman between Jamie and I is Helixir. This photo was actually taken at my work!
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I have to admit that, as someone who is super into all things feminine, I didn't think I'd enjoy drag kings nearly as much... until Helixir came around. Jamie and I had seen him at a few shows together, then I didn't see him for a long time (my fault, not his!). Suddenly, I found out that he was being booked to participate in my school's Queer and Now conference (along with Tori and a few other people), and knowing what I knew about him, I was super excited. Welp, come to find out, he'd happened to be a part of many of the drag shows I didn't get to go to, but Jamie had... so when he showed up, he went over to Jamie, gave her a big hug (before giving me one) and exclaimed "you're like my biggest fan! I'm so glad you're here Jamie!" to her. Knowing that being at a drag show by herself could be anxiety inducing for Jamie (though she enjoys it enough to make it to shows when I can't) to see someone remembering her and connecting with her made me so happy. Seriously, there are a few different ways to my heart, and being great to my gal Jamie has to be at the top of the list. I've since seen him a ton, and I LOVE his work! I wasn't sure what to expect from drag kings, but he's so much fun, so sweet, and just an awesome person, I can't help but be a fan.
What's even cooler is that Helixir has also shown us a living example of a "drag parent." I've constantly heard of drag moms/dads, and while I don't think I could do the concept justice, it comes off to me as sort of a mentorship kinda thing. Basically, a drag parent takes a "drag child" under their wing, shows them the ropes, and supports them as they get off on their feet. Welp, Helixir has done that with at least two drag sons, including one who has quickly become another favorite of ours, Fenderqueer (pictured below). I love their drag, and to think that Helixir has played such a formative role in helping them get into drag makes me smile everytime I see them perform.
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Fenderqueer, Helixir's drag child, rocking out during his performance.
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Okay, one more drag queen that seriously deserves some credit, and for a pretty surprising reason. I'd say she's my favorite non-local queen, and someone I hope to see more and more of as her drag career takes off... Flamy Grant!
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Flamy Grant, a queen (formerly) from San Diego who has quickly become my favorite non-local queen!
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Wait! Flamy Grant!?!? Is she making fun of world famous Christian artist Amy Grant??? Why yes, her name is inspired by Amy Grant... and Amy knows and approves of it! First off, Flamy is a very personable performer (when I met her in person, she exlaimed "didn't you used to be a Modern Times member before they collapsed? My man was a member before things went south!"). But I loved that because she already knew Jamie, knew of me previously, and was very welcoming and loving to both of us. She's awesome, funny, joyful, but there's something I love even more about her, and I never thought in a million years I'd say this...
(Trigger warning before I continue: I talk a bit about Religious Trauma and may get preachy a bit... but it's all good stuff, I promise... just difficult at times)
...she has inspired me in my walk with God. Yes, you heard that right... a DRAG QUEEN... has helped me in my Christian Faith! And I'm not kidding or being hyperbolic. I'll spare you the long story, but prior to transitioning, I was VERY involved in the Mainstream American Evangelical church, which, as a whole, doesn't think kindly of people like me. I do want to stress that so many people have stuck by Jamie and I (and if you're reading this, thank you for being constant reminders that God still loves us, still accepts us, and still welcomes us into the Kingdom), but for the most part, we have lost most of our Evangelical friends (I still miss you all!), some of which have expressed disappointment in me, and one went as far as to tell me that I'm doing the same thing Sodom and Gomorrah was doing (I didn't know there were trans people there... but I think God was more concerned with the locals who were gangr***ng angels than little old me wearing my dress and boots... read Genesis dude). There are a lot of scars that were inflicted on me, and I know many scars I've inflicted on others during my departure from that sect of Christianity. But since then, with a few exceptions, Jamie and I haven't really found a place to be recharged in our faith. Not only that, but we've also seen many loud voices from the mainstream evangelical side of things voicing support for anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, oftentimes referring to people like me as some of the most hurtful and devastating things (I've been referred to as a sicko, a freak, a man in a dress, been told I need to go into hiding, and that they can't wait until "The camps come back" so I can be sent to them... I'm not kidding... I've had people say those things to me in some pretty mainstream Christian spaces online and in the media. I'll never forget Michael Knowles calling for our "eradication" for the good of society... to the applause of a conservative group), and many times in the name of God. Which I consider to be blasphemy and a direct violation of the Third Commandment (You shall not take [The Lord's] name in vain)... and by the way, if you limit that to simply not saying "Oh my God,"
you are way oversimplifying, and dare I say cheapening it! I'm no biblical scholar, but I'd argue that calling for the eradication of an entire people group because you think that's what God wants is a much deeper violation of the third commandment than saying something cheap like "oh my God." But I think the biggest problem is that behavior like that drives people away from God.
I'm going to try to not show all my cards here out of respect for the many I know who no longer believe or who were bullied out of the church, and have now rejected God, but my heart breaks for that. I know many who have turned to Atheism because they were shown a heartless, vengeful version of God by "Believers," and others who haven't straight up said that, but you can see them licking their emotional wounds from spiritual trauma (there's a quote that I love that was quoted on a DC Talk album that starts with "the single greatest cause of Atheism in the world today is Christians..." there's more to the quote, but I think that part alone says it all). Again, I think a rant on this is best saved for another post some other time, but it devastates me how many people have been convinced that God doesn't love them, or loves them conditionally, because the actions and words of those around them showed that. I genuinely don't blame any of them for walking away, or deconstructing (which is what I have been doing). And while there is still much to the mystery of God, I also believe that God still has a place for those who were turned away by "His people," and so I don't think it's my job to preach something to them they have heard many times, but instead show them that you can be LGBTQ+ and still be Saved.
Okay, so how the hell does any of this relate to Flamy Grant... I'm sure her name gives you some hints... but Flamy has experienced much of what deconstructers and LGBTQ+ people experience in the church, and she has made it her goal to take up space in Christian spaces (whether it's showing up to the Dove awards in full drag with a few other Christian artists who have "fallen from grace" [cough, cough, Derek Webb... I can't wait to see you two on tour], or getting a song charted and topped on the Christian top 100, or being a part of progressive Christian movements), and while many drag performers release albums that are very flashy or risque, her album, "Bible Belt Baby," is a mix of funny songs (such as "Take a Chance on Me"), funny but profound songs (such as "What did you Drag me Into?"), and then downright Gospel-soaked songs (like "I'm not ashamed!"). That last song I mentioned has made me cry more times than I can count, and has genuinely been my marching song since early November; in early November, an Alabama pastor who had been living a secret life as a trans woman was outed, and killed herself a few days later... there are some disturbing parts of her story too, such as some fiction she'd been writing, but considering the same people who intentionally outed her were the same people who shared that disturbing fiction, I'd argue that none of us fully know the true story... but a trans woman is dead, and her family who knew about her have lost a husband/father; when that happened, Flamy did a spot on her Instagram where she mentioned "I'm not ashamed," and so I listened to it, pulled over my car, and started balling! If you have a chance to listen to it, please do so. The line that gets me is "God is a storyteller... a lover composing a letter," combined with another line a moment later "Your life is not [the hater's] story to tell!" It gives me goosebumps because I can imagine how many people are, even this moment, trying to tell my story for me, and yet that's not their job! I could go much deeper into this, and I have already gone off topic quite a bit, but I don't think I could do someone so awesome such justice without explaining why it matters so much to me. So I'm so deeply thankful for Flamy's drag, her advocacy work, and her work to help reclaim faith for all of us who were pushed away. She's a reason why I'm closer to God now than I was a year ago!
Wow! Who thought a post about how I feel about drag would turn into that... that, my friends, is intersectionality at its finest... my identity as a trans woman, my love for drag, and my eagerness to find a place in a faith I still firmly believe in all intersecting into who I am a fan of, and why. There are so many other profound examples of intersectionality, but I've been so blessed to see these ones in my life.
But with all of that being said, and I really only touched the tip of the iceberg, but I am vehemently in support of Drag, think that it's a beautiful art and form of expression, and hope to continue supporting and uplifting the drag community.
Since I accidentally said fuck a bunch earlier (oh shit, now I said it again), let me end with this funny picture I took last month to send to my critics anytime I needed to...
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| Sometimes, you've just gotta give the bird |
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Hugs!
-Alicia
P.S. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck fuck fuck!
