To each their own (transition!)

 ...I actually took that title from a blog I was reading from the wife of a transgender person over 15 years ago (yes... as I've said before, none of this is new to me). I don't think that blog exists anymore, or where that couple is, but it felt like a great title for what I want to share tonight. 

So I just came from my friend Jenna's "weenie roast" a few hours ago (picture of us below), and I am so thrilled to see her approaching the finish line of her transition. 

 

As I wrote on Wednesday, I feel like I'm moving on from the baby stages of my transition and the past few days have had me thinking a lot about where my finish line is. To be honest, I have no idea. And while I've made it a goal to figure it out in 2024, I seriously don't know if that will actually happen, and that leads me to something important that I want to say here: 

Regardless of where you started, where you are at right now, or where you want your transition to end up, your transness is 100% valid! You are valid: 

• Whether you are out and proud, or if your true identity is deep behind closed doors.
• Whether you want to get ALL the surgeries you can, or if you don't want to/can't get any of them.
• Whether you are on hormones or not. 
• Whether your gender identity lies somewhere within the binary or not.
• Whether you have all of your next steps planned out, or like me, honestly don't know what's next. 
• Whether your goalposts are changing constantly.
  
• Whether you have taken any steps towards transitioning or not.
• Whether transitioning is even a goal for you... the "trans" in transgender DOES NOT mean "transition," and if someone else tells you that, they are wrong! 
• Whether you dress to the nines every time you present as your affirmed gender, or you simply put on clear nail polish.
• Also, I want to say this too... you are also valid if you once identified as transgender and no longer do (whether you were forced back in, de-transitioned willingly, or just don't feel like you identify with being transgender). 
  

And I personally don't mind catching criticism for this (sorry Transmeds... you are just as bad as Transphobes and TERFs IMO! Any sect that is excluding to members of our community isn't a trans-affirming sect), but the only person who can define if you are transgender or not is YOU!

The reason why I can say this with so much confidence is because at some point in my journey, I'd practically checked off every one of those dots above... all while confidently identifying as transgender. While I didn't finally blurt out my need to transition into a woman until late Halloween night, 2020, I identified as transgender (even just to myself and to my wife) at least a couple of years before that. There was a time where NOBODY but my wife knew I identified as transgender. There was a time where anything/everything Alicia related was behind closed doors. There was a time where my only expression of Alicia beyond those closed doors was wearing a skirt and boots while Zoom teaching. There was a time where I wanted to do EVERYTHING to prevent myself from transitioning. I went full time and transitioned at work a good six months before I took my first hormone pill. I know many who go longer, and some never take HRT. For a year and a half, I identified as bi-gender... during that time, I was trying so hard to live a life as Alicia while still holding on to my life as Terrence. I know a few people (like one of my biggest role models Hannah McKnight) who have done it, and successfully. I tried... and it didn't work out.. and that's okay! I have no idea what the end of my transition will look like... right now, I'm holding on to see what HRT does, and plan to evaluate over the next few years... so my goalposts are very fluid, and I may pursue a surgery or two... or I may not (please refer to my last blog about where I land on bottom surgery... I really don't feel comfortable repeating it). 

At the end of the day, what I'm trying to say is, no matter where you are under the transgender umbrella, there's plenty of room under here, and while there are those sects that like to gate keep being transgender, I promise you there are way, way, way more of us who welcome you with open arms, and want you with us.

So regardless of what anyone says (even me)... YOU ARE VALID!!!