I'm not a man in a dress!

Harry Styles rocking a dress for Vogue. This was seen as a pretty big deal.

Every morning when I get up, I have a normal (albeit unhealthy) routine of check my social media, email, blogs, and just getting myself caught up on the morning's gossip. Part of that is checking out some of my favorite transgender social media accounts and blogs, like my friend Hannah's. This morning, she made a post on her X/Twitter/WhateverMuskIsCallingIt about the idea that if there wasn't a stigma around men wearing women's clothing, more men would do so. And I agree wholeheartedly, and I love the idea of people being unfettered from the gender norms and expectations, specifically around dress. In addition to Harry Styles, many other men have embraced the skirt or the heels, or adding clothing that is traditionally considered "women's clothing" to their wardrobes. 

Mark Bryan, the man in a skirt... let's be real though... he's got some KILLER LEGS!!!!

As I was beginning to transition, a well meaning friend sent me this blog, which featured Mark Bryan, a man who wears a skirt, heels, boots, etc to work all the time: https://www.boredpanda.com/confident-man-wears-heels-skirt-markbryan911/ Holy crap, doesn't he look amazing!?!? And he's not the only one. You'll find many instances of men who, for a millions reasons from comfort to wanting to make a social commentary, rock those cute outfits and show that men can wear dresses!

But that's not who I am. It just isn't. And I'm thankful for that. As I mentioned above, that blog about Mark Bryan came from a wonderful, well meaning friend, and it wasn't the only one I got from supporters. Several people showed me articles, images, and profiles of men who were breaking the cistem (See what I did there?) and showing me that men can wear dresses and look fabulous in them. And it made me feel good, excited and also a peace with something... 

I am not a man in a dress... I don't care what bigots, trolls, haters (including those who may find this blog) or others who claim to be "experts" (mostly graduates from MAGA University) say. I am not a man in a dress...

I am a transgender woman... and transgender women are women... therefore, I AM A WOMAN! 

My wife and I got to me THE Jonathan Van Ness a few months ago.

When I see men who are embracing clothing considered more feminine, or non-binary people like Jonathan Van Ness or Alok Vemon, I pump my fist in celebration of them. But I have to admit that, for a short time, I tried to distance myself from them, and the reason why was because so many people use them as an example of "see, you can wear dresses too," when, while I love wearing dresses (take this dress from my cold, dead body!!!!), this is all so much deeper than that. 

Honestly, growing up, I never felt like one of the boys. I never wanted to play sports or roughhouse. I was a spoiled brat who stayed home and played with LEGOs and Video Games, while watching the Weather Channel... not that any of those things were inherently feminine. I also always felt more comfortable around the girls, but our gender-obsessed society always lumped me in with the boys. It wasn't until high school when a girl I met in my senior year AP English class befriended me and decided to invite me to hang out with her group of friends, mostly girls. Her name was Alicia... and YES, she was the person who inspired my name (she knows... I never hid that from her when I came out). I ended up going to prom with that group, and keeping in touch with a lot of them. Then in college, I got HEAVILY involved in the Evangelical Church, and they were pretty obsessed with guy only/girl only nights. They were also very obsessed with the idea of staying in your lane gender wise. I had a lot of amazing memories there, but also mourn the reality that I, as Alicia, would never be welcome in those spaces without some pretty huge conditions (such as detransitioning). What's funny is one night, I remember hanging out at a house party, and all of the guys were in one room hanging out while all of the ladies were in another room just chatting... I felt no connection with the guys, but instantly felt at home with the girls. That wasn't a game changer, but it was yet another reminder that I wasn't a man. 

For me, it wasn't just about wearing a dress. It was about something else. It was about feeling more comfortable in my skin, feeling more in my element with people, and being able to express my true self and be useful to the world as my true self. There's a reason why I don't just throw on a dress in the morning and walk out the door... I still, to this day, have about an hour long morning regimen that, as Terrence, I would have knocked out in 15 minutes. And it's worth every second when I get to see the finished product... someone who is feminine, has some curves, long(er than I used to) hair, and softening skin. It's also becoming so special when, even after taking off the dress/makeup/etc, I can STILL see some curves as I slip on my night dress... still see more feminine features than I used to have. I see him less and less every day, and her more and more! That goes well beyond just items of clothing, or even makeup. It goes to being more in place with who you are. Who I am. 

Fuck what others say... I am a woman!

 

A woman! 

Hugs! 

-Alicia