Fat, Trans, and Fabulous: The Mirror…

My partner and I both LOVE RuPaul’s Drag Race, including the Live Show at the Flamingo in Las Vegas. It’s a little different every time, always very interactive with the audience, and the musicals are so much fun. But there was a song in the show that honestly made me cry… The Mirror Song. The song is about a child who had to repress their gender curiosity as a child, had their first drag experience as a young adult, and is now a successful drag queen, and a fighter for the LGBTQ+ community. But, besides the queen themself, the main character in the song is the mirror.

Just a few minor tweaks to the song, and it’s a perfect parallel to many of the journeys that transwomen experience. I spent years not really caring for what I saw in the mirror. But I’ll never forget the time that my friend, trans mentor, and owner of the (unfortunately now closed) Carla’s social club, Aejaie transformed me (in 2019, I bought a transformation makeover for my birthday at Carla’s)… for the first 90 minutes of the transformation, I felt like Terrence in a dress… but then Aejaie finished my makeup, asked me “are you ready to meet Alicia?” and had me close my eyes… she then put and straightened a wig on me, and then had me open my eyes. And to quote the mirror song: “I catch my reflection, there’s a girl looking back, and she’s beautiful! Am I finally home!?!?”

Not a mirror photo, but this was me the night of that life-changing makeover. I saw HER for the first time.

For the first time ever, I saw who Alicia could be. And it fueled me. And I no longer hate the mirror anymore. In fact, I love the mirror now! I love seeing how I look now, and I feel so empowered by seeing who I have become. It certainly feels different now that I’m entering my second full year of being Alicia full time… but every time I see a mirror, it’s such a reminder that I’m living my truth, being my best self, and getting to do unremarkable things as her… and that is truly remarkable.

Now, I love the mirror, love the mirror, every time!